Suddenly, you pop up on my facebook chat, took me by surprise. Talked to me as if nothing had happened, as if everything is okay. It seemed that you didn't care about the fact that it had been two months since we last talk on the phone. You didn't even ask me why I didn't contact you also after a series of un-returned emails I sent you. I dare myself to ask you why didn't you reply my emails, and you only answered "sori, ga sempat". I guess it's obvious that you couldn't careless whether we do keep in touch or not, my feelings don't matter to you anymore.
I regret the action that I've taken today, that I respond to you on facebook chat. I suppose I expect this from myself, that I don't have the heart to ignore you, even though each time we said goodbyes, I always left with the feeling of sadness, anxiety and self-hatred. I think that it is probably best if we never contacted each other again, and I think now I'm strong enough to restraint myself from contacting you in any means but when you reach out to me, how can I say no? how can I hurt your heart although you have hurt mine? I want to hurt you so that perhaps you can understand a tiny bit how my heart had shattered because of you, I planned to, but when you said "Hai", instantly I forgot about those ill intentions and felt just so happy to hear from you. It's just sad and pathetic perhaps.
"Love endures it all" is the words that I cling on.
And now, it's almost time for me to really end it all, once and for all..
I wish I didn't care about you so much so that I won't have to endure this miserable feelings anymore.
I just want to forget, coz the pain of not having you here is just unbearable. You maybe laughing at me or simply just feel sorry for me, coz you just don't feel the same way.
Just go away. I'm sorry, it's not you, it's me. I can't deal with this much longer.
I am torned between the feeling of missing you and angry with you coz I love you but when I remember your betrayal, your lies, your ignorance all the hurt just come flooding back.
But I do, love you and I do miss you.
But for the sake of my sanity, I need not to hear from you either for now or forever.
[nudnuh, 26sokmo]
I regret the action that I've taken today, that I respond to you on facebook chat. I suppose I expect this from myself, that I don't have the heart to ignore you, even though each time we said goodbyes, I always left with the feeling of sadness, anxiety and self-hatred. I think that it is probably best if we never contacted each other again, and I think now I'm strong enough to restraint myself from contacting you in any means but when you reach out to me, how can I say no? how can I hurt your heart although you have hurt mine? I want to hurt you so that perhaps you can understand a tiny bit how my heart had shattered because of you, I planned to, but when you said "Hai", instantly I forgot about those ill intentions and felt just so happy to hear from you. It's just sad and pathetic perhaps.
"Love endures it all" is the words that I cling on.
And now, it's almost time for me to really end it all, once and for all..
I wish I didn't care about you so much so that I won't have to endure this miserable feelings anymore.
I just want to forget, coz the pain of not having you here is just unbearable. You maybe laughing at me or simply just feel sorry for me, coz you just don't feel the same way.
Just go away. I'm sorry, it's not you, it's me. I can't deal with this much longer.
I am torned between the feeling of missing you and angry with you coz I love you but when I remember your betrayal, your lies, your ignorance all the hurt just come flooding back.
But I do, love you and I do miss you.
But for the sake of my sanity, I need not to hear from you either for now or forever.
[nudnuh, 26sokmo]
