Even if you were a million miles away
I could still feel you in my bed
near me, touch me, feel me

And even at the bottom of the sea
I can still hear inside my head
Telling me, touch me, feel me
And all the time you were telling me lies

So tonight I’m gonna find a way to make it without you
Tonight, I’m gonna find a way to make it without you
I’m gonna hold on to the times that we had
Tonight, I’m gonna find a way to make it without you

Have you ever tried sleeping with a broken heart
Well you can try sleeping in my bed
Lonely, own me, nobody ever shut it down like you

You wore the crown
You make my body feel heaven-bound
Why don’t you hold me, need me
I thought you told me you’d never leave me

Looking in the sky I can see your face
And i knew right where I’d fit in
Take me, make me. 
You know that I’ll always be in love with you
Right til the end

So tonight I’m gonna find a way to make it without you
Tonight, I’m gonna find a way to make it without you
I’m gonna hold on to the times that we had
Tonight, I’m gonna find a way to make it without you

Anybody could have told you right from the start it’s bout fall apart
So rather than hold onto a broken dream I'll just hold on to love
And I could find a way to make it. Don’t hold on too tight
I’ll make it without you tonight

So tonight I’m gonna find a way to make it without you
Tonight, I’m gonna find a way to make it without you
I’m gonna hold on to the times that we had
Tonight, I’m gonna find a way to make it without you














[nudnuh, 26sokmo]

Of all the things I've believed in
I just want to get it over with
Tears form behind my eyes
But I do not cry
Counting the days that pass me by

I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old
It feels like I'm starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend
And I said,

[Chorus:]
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

I still get lost in your eyes
And it seems that I can't live a day without you
Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away
To a place where I am blinded by the light
But it's not right

[Chorus]

And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time
I want what's yours and I want what's mine
I want you
But I'm not giving in this time

[Chorus x2]

And when the stars fall
I will lie awake
You're my shooting star 



[nudnuh - 26sokmo, that's for sure]

Hei, tomorrow is palm sunday. Masa prapaskah sudah berakhir.

I realize that i failed to do most of my commitment but one thing that i am thankful for is that i succeeded to restrain myself from you, my ultimate temptation.
Praise the Lord for that.

But I don't know whether to be grateful or not for the fact that little by little this heart went from ache to numb, as numb as it was before meeting you. Now, I can see the wall build between us, the line, the mountains, the sea, the void that separate us. You have turn your back on me now, and there's nothing I can do but to console and cry to that yellow pillow until it soaked with tears.

We were us, we were we, 
but now it's you, now it's me. 
It just sad, that's all.

But i'm able to restrain myself,
as you always wanted me to.
Are you happy now? 'cause I'm not.

Numb. 
It's all there is.

"Cherry" that's the name of the car that my sister and i had been using these couple of years. Last night, i had an unfortunate incident with my blue cherry. I was off to work around 9.30 pm, while suddenly i heard a hissing sound from my car. I thought i probably had a flat tire, so i pulled over and i checked all the tires. Apparently all seemed okay, so i got in my car and drive. About 1 km from that, suddenly the engine just stopped. Luckily the traffic wasn't crowded and i can pull over again. I got a little bit panicked there, not because it was in the middle of the night on a quiet neighborhood but more because that i would be coming late to work. I immediately tried to call my aunt to have my cousin towed my car, but i can't reach her which the next day i found out that she had already gone to bed.

So, i prayed and i tried to start the engine,, and thank God it worked. Well for at least 500 meters anyway before it suddenly stopped again. Then i started to get really panicked. So i then called my colleague to call the clinic that i'm having car trouble and that i would probably be late for an hour or so. After that i tried to start my car again, and again it worked for about 400 meters. And by that third stop i was at the middle of factories complex in the night and very  quiet. I got really scared.

I tried again and thank God it still work. So i drive faster so that perhaps i can make it on a single run to the clinic. But unfortunately it stopped again around 500 meters away from the clinic. And this last stopped lasted quite sometime. I tried over and over again and it still wont budge. Until finally after i don't know how many times, it finally worked and i arrived at the front of the clinic.

--to be continued--

A couple of days ago, I realized that my external hard drive was gone. I panic and tried really hard to remember where the last time I used it. I trace my way back from the last time I used it which is on my sister laptop before she went out of town doing research. I even turned my room upside down and I also search everywhere, around the house, the cars, the motorcycle, nada! I was becoming frustrated because the data in that thing is very very crucial. I prayed to God to please help me find it. And after a whole day tearing up my room, house, cars and bike,, i finally found it. Yippeeeee ^,^

Congrats to my dear friend who is now preparing to embark on her new adventure as a doctor in Raja Ampat Islands in West Papua, Indonesia. I am so happy for her, and excited as well and a little bit jealous I suppose. See, that actually that is also my dream to went out there and have an adventure instead of sitting in an office waiting for patients to come. Not that I'm not grateful of my blessings, I do. But it just seems so exciting.

I can honestly say you've been on my mind
Since I woke up today, up today
I look at your photograph all the time
These memories come back to life
And I don't mind

I remember when we kissed
I still feel it on my lips
The time that you danced with me
With no music playing

But I remember those simple things
I remember 'til I cry
But the one thing I wish I'd forget
The memory I wanna forget
Is goodbye

I woke up this morning and played are song
And throwing my tears, I sang along
I picked up the phone and then put it down
'Cause I know I'm wasting my time
And I don't mind

I remember when we kissed
I still feel it on my lips
The time that you danced with me
With no music playing

But I remember the simple things
I remember 'til I cry
But the one thing I wish I'd forget
The memory I wanna forget

Suddenly my cell phone's blowing up
With your ringtone
I hesitate but answer it anyway
You sound so alone
And I'm surprised to hear you say

You remember when we kissed
You still feel it on your lips
The time that you danced with me
With no music playing

You remember the simple things
We talked 'til we cried
You said that your biggest regret
The one thing you wish I'd forget
Is saying goodbye, saying goodbye
Ooh, goodbye

When i watch this video, and hear the story of this one Nic Vujicic, i felt that my problems aren't really that important and somewhat ridiculous. So let's not give up hope. God bless all of us.

Geez, i feel like crap. I had so many things to do on my to-do-list, but not a single one is accomplished. I tried to put my mind to do stuffs but somehow my mind keep going back to those dreadful days. Honestly, those was the scariest days of my life, my worst altercation with someone, and it felt surreal. Felt like i'm having PTSD. I don't think i could trust anyone anymore. But maybe in time i can trust again, but that incident still haunt me, those first couple of week i can't sleep and in my sleep i watch the re-run on my dreams and then woke up in the middle of the night. I wish i could just blow that bad memories from my head. Sometime i really felt an ache on my heart. It's hard to believe that we as loving creature who's made from His image, could do such mean things to one another. I'm not saying that i didn't do evil things, on the contrary actually. But surprisingly, i also felt the pain. It's true what they say what goes around, comes around. 


I'm not regretting the mistake i made, i cherished every single second spent although now it's time to pay for it. One said that pain is the price to pay for all precious things. So, it's okay because it was precious memories, really really precious, for the pain is so very very bad.


Just survive for another day, please. 


Tuhan kan dah janji, Dia akan jadikan semua indah pada waktuNya.
Be strong. God Bless us all.




INDAH PADA WAKTUNYA (by: Jonathan Prawira)


Ada waktu untuk berduka
Dan ada waktu tuk tertawa
Untuk segala sesuatunya
Ada waktunya

Ada waktu untuk merombak
Dan ada waktu tuk membangun
Kau jadikan semuanya indah
Pada waktunya

Walau kini kumenabur benih
Sambil mencucurkan air mata, kupercaya
Suatu saat ku kan menuai berkasnya
Sambil bersorak-sorai 

Engkau tahu dihatiku
Ada sejuta rindu
tuk selalu bersamaMu, Yesusku
Ijinkanku menyenangkan hatiMu
lewat nyanyian hatiku


Reff:
Biarkanlah kumenyembah
Walau tak dengan puisi yang indah
Biarkanlah kumenyembah
Memberikan hati ini, kuberserah


Dengan penuh
kasih sayang
Biarkan Tuhan 
aku menyembah

Entah benar, entah tidak. Dulu ketika semasa masih dokter muda, sering ada mitos bahwa si dokter ini beraura pembawa pasien, dokter itu beraura penolak pasien. Mungkin hanya kebetulan, tapi hal itu seringkali terbukti benar.

Malam ini aku sedang jaga, biasanya pasien sepi2 aja setelah jam 12 dan mulai ramai kembali setelah subuh, tapi entah kenapa kali ini byk pasien yg hrs diobservasi,, apa karena mbak perawat yg baru itu? hehe pikiran2 mulai membuat asumsi2 aneh. Tapi nggak apa-apalah, aku pun entah kenapa lagi malas tidur juga...

Tanpa terasa 4 bulan hampir lewat, dan sebentar lagi menginjak milestone ke 6 bulan sejak kamarku berubah menjadi superclutter. Ternyata hal seperti ini tidak semudah yang dibayangkan. Dulu mudah saja dan dengan agak seenaknya bisa memberi nasehat ke teman dalam mengatasi hal seperti ini, to just move on and don't mind it so much. But well, the jokes are on me now, go figure. Apparently it's not that easy, it's not that simple, and everything sucks.

Tried to wonder my mind to other things such as my career, dreaming my goals, and usually thinking about that before i went to sleep would actually help my insomnia. But not tonight. I wonder whether i need that couple of night cap again or not, i just want to sleep it off and hope that tomorrow is gonna be better.

Especially on these dates, after i observe my own behaviour these couple of months, i notice that leading to that certain date, i tend to get very emotional and reminishing those dreadful times that no one knows about, except you. And hope that God forgive me, but every time i remember that person, the blood inside of me boils. But my God said to bless our enemies and pray for them (easy commandments to comprehend but so so hard to do). I still can't put myself down on my knees and pray for that person. And remembering your betrayal of our agreement at that time just make me so mad at you too, but i don't want that, i don't want to be mad at you, so i'm trying to forget it, and my God, it's so hard.

Ah, these note has drifted far away from it's initial purpose. Like i said, it's only a couple of days away from that date and i feel so emotional right now.

So I think i should stop babling for the night.









nudnuh [26always]

sidewalks have been renovated

Don't let your mind fooled you, just hang on for another day, cause
God is with you every step of the way. 
and He will help you get through this.
Just hold on to Him tightly.

it's a new day,, there are plans to fulfill, and things to do. but first of all let me just say thank You Lord, for this morning, it's a beautiful day. please help me God so that i can put myself through today.

What a lovely Sunday afternoon, spent it with my friends~Agnes n Distin. After we graduated from school and went into the world, time to spent with our friends is as precious as gem stones. It's hard to find a time but if we really really try, i'm sure we can scoop in an hour or two to share with our friends.
And it only take a couple of minute to pick up the phone and say hi or talk a little bit.
And it only take less than a minute to text messages.
And it only take less than 30 seconds to type 'hi' on your friend's facebook, or to tweet them.

So, i think there's no such thing as i don't have time. It actually came down to the fact whether you want to spend your time with your friends or not. Be careful with your priority, you might prioritizing things that are actually not really essential in your life..

Keep on busy with things and what not, and see in a year or two, you'll become distant with your friends and when you realize it, it might be already too late, and you had lost your friends.

PS: @Agnes n Distin~ let's hang out again sometimes. ^^

akhirnya selesai juga nyetting2 blog ini.. dah siap digunakan deh sekarang.
tp blm kepikiran mau nulis apaan juga. ya besok aja deh wehehehe..

it's been almost a year since i last posted something on this blog.