Entah benar, entah tidak. Dulu ketika semasa masih dokter muda, sering ada mitos bahwa si dokter ini beraura pembawa pasien, dokter itu beraura penolak pasien. Mungkin hanya kebetulan, tapi hal itu seringkali terbukti benar.
Malam ini aku sedang jaga, biasanya pasien sepi2 aja setelah jam 12 dan mulai ramai kembali setelah subuh, tapi entah kenapa kali ini byk pasien yg hrs diobservasi,, apa karena mbak perawat yg baru itu? hehe pikiran2 mulai membuat asumsi2 aneh. Tapi nggak apa-apalah, aku pun entah kenapa lagi malas tidur juga...
Tanpa terasa 4 bulan hampir lewat, dan sebentar lagi menginjak milestone ke 6 bulan sejak kamarku berubah menjadi superclutter. Ternyata hal seperti ini tidak semudah yang dibayangkan. Dulu mudah saja dan dengan agak seenaknya bisa memberi nasehat ke teman dalam mengatasi hal seperti ini, to just move on and don't mind it so much. But well, the jokes are on me now, go figure. Apparently it's not that easy, it's not that simple, and everything sucks.
Tried to wonder my mind to other things such as my career, dreaming my goals, and usually thinking about that before i went to sleep would actually help my insomnia. But not tonight. I wonder whether i need that couple of night cap again or not, i just want to sleep it off and hope that tomorrow is gonna be better.
Especially on these dates, after i observe my own behaviour these couple of months, i notice that leading to that certain date, i tend to get very emotional and reminishing those dreadful times that no one knows about, except you. And hope that God forgive me, but every time i remember that person, the blood inside of me boils. But my God said to bless our enemies and pray for them (easy commandments to comprehend but so so hard to do). I still can't put myself down on my knees and pray for that person. And remembering your betrayal of our agreement at that time just make me so mad at you too, but i don't want that, i don't want to be mad at you, so i'm trying to forget it, and my God, it's so hard.
Ah, these note has drifted far away from it's initial purpose. Like i said, it's only a couple of days away from that date and i feel so emotional right now.
So I think i should stop babling for the night.
nudnuh [26always]
Malam ini aku sedang jaga, biasanya pasien sepi2 aja setelah jam 12 dan mulai ramai kembali setelah subuh, tapi entah kenapa kali ini byk pasien yg hrs diobservasi,, apa karena mbak perawat yg baru itu? hehe pikiran2 mulai membuat asumsi2 aneh. Tapi nggak apa-apalah, aku pun entah kenapa lagi malas tidur juga...
Tanpa terasa 4 bulan hampir lewat, dan sebentar lagi menginjak milestone ke 6 bulan sejak kamarku berubah menjadi superclutter. Ternyata hal seperti ini tidak semudah yang dibayangkan. Dulu mudah saja dan dengan agak seenaknya bisa memberi nasehat ke teman dalam mengatasi hal seperti ini, to just move on and don't mind it so much. But well, the jokes are on me now, go figure. Apparently it's not that easy, it's not that simple, and everything sucks.
Tried to wonder my mind to other things such as my career, dreaming my goals, and usually thinking about that before i went to sleep would actually help my insomnia. But not tonight. I wonder whether i need that couple of night cap again or not, i just want to sleep it off and hope that tomorrow is gonna be better.
Especially on these dates, after i observe my own behaviour these couple of months, i notice that leading to that certain date, i tend to get very emotional and reminishing those dreadful times that no one knows about, except you. And hope that God forgive me, but every time i remember that person, the blood inside of me boils. But my God said to bless our enemies and pray for them (easy commandments to comprehend but so so hard to do). I still can't put myself down on my knees and pray for that person. And remembering your betrayal of our agreement at that time just make me so mad at you too, but i don't want that, i don't want to be mad at you, so i'm trying to forget it, and my God, it's so hard.
Ah, these note has drifted far away from it's initial purpose. Like i said, it's only a couple of days away from that date and i feel so emotional right now.
So I think i should stop babling for the night.
nudnuh [26always]
